#BETTER THEN THIS WITH SOME BUTTER ON BREAD

[harrowscore]

i want to be specific on one thing: there is nothing wrong with dark romance/romantasy. actually, in theory i love the genre. it's what i like to write most of the time, and often read/otherwise consume. the problem imo is that most mainstream published books in the romantasy genre are wattpad-quality or written as if the authors were 15yo. with this i mean no offense to the 15yo girls who put their heart and soul into their stories - hell, i used to be a weird teen who wrote shitty fics too; these girls make the world go round, and there's some big talent lurking among them. (i'm not counting myself among them, just to be clear lol.) some fics written by teen girls are beautifully mature works, and they influenced little teen val's writing style along with all the classic, modern, and fantasy lit i loved so much.

but wattpad fics are blessedly free. you don't have to pay 23€ for a beautiful hardcover edition hailed as the new literary case. mind you, this is not a romance-only issue - i'm sure there's a lot of bad written thrillers out there, but i've read so many few thrillers in my life that honestly i can't say nothing of value about it. romance, especially gothic-adjacent/dark romance, on the other hand, is my bread and butter (which is ironic, considering i have so many issues with modern romcoms too... but that's another can of worms), so i speak out of love for the genre. but honestly... i've read far better villain/heroine fanfictions on ao3 than many of these "acclaimed" best-sellers. (which also makes sense, because as i've personally experienced when i wrote my first original novel, writing original works is hard and requires exponentially different skills than fanfiction.)

having said that: mutuals/followers, what's a (modern or contemporary) ya and/or romantasy book you've read and enjoyed? i'd love some recs, and to celebrate good authors!

i'll start: probably a basic rec but i'd say spinning silver by naomi novik ��️

[what-even-is-thiss]

What you will need:

A slice of bread

Butter

About 1-2 tbsp Cooking oil (or butter)

2 eggs

Salt and pepper

A frying pan

A spatula

A toaster

A knife or other butter spreading device

A heating element

A plate or other surface to eat off of

A fork (for eating)

If you have an electric stove or hot plate you might want to let it heat up while you toast your toast because it takes a bit longer. If you have a gas or induction stove then it’ll probably heat up faster. Set it to medium. Like a 5 or 6 out of 10.

Toast your bread how you like it. I like it medium. Butter your bread. Put it next to the stove on a plate so it’s ready to receive the eggs.

Put your cooking oil or butter in the hot pan. You’ll know it’s hot if the oil is shiny and moves around quickly or your butter starts melting and bubbling on impact.

Crack your eggs into the oil. Crack them on top of each other so the whites meld together. Sprinkle a thin coating of salt and pepper on top as you like. If you’re new to cooking this might not be obvious to you. Start with about 1/8 tsp or small pinch of each and use more or less next time if you didn’t like it.

For runny eggs do 2-3 minutes each side. Shorter for more runny yolk, longer for less. If you want them hard and not runny do it for 4-5 minutes or break the yolk on purpose so it hardens faster.

To flip, be fast and confident. Move spatula under quickly, flip quickly in one fluid motion. You might do badly the first couple of times. This is fine. You’ll get better with practice.

You can also do basted eggs if that’s too intimidating for you. Cook them for a minute or two uncovered, then splash a bit of water in the pan and cover it with a lid. If you want them really runny and over easy just watch the yolk and take it out when the white cooked part is barely covered in white. If you want it less runny watch it until that happens and then let it go another minute or two.

Place your fried eggs on your toast. Congrats, you made a meal! You can eat this with your hands but if your yolk is runny that can be messy and you might prefer to eat it with a fork. Add a fruit cup or juice or some other fruit or vegetable you enjoy to make it a complete meal.

Also quick safety tip for absolute beginners. Non stick pans are wonderful for making eggs. However. If you’re using a non-stick pan, never use a metal spatula on it. That could scratch the pan and cause it to leech carcinogens into your food. Use plastic or wooden utensils on non stick pans. As long as they remain unscratched they’re perfectly safe. The second the coating is scratched though, you throw them away.

You should make fried eggs over toast. It’s a beginner friendly thing to make too.

[altaroftransexuality]

top ten breakfasts that inspire poetry

[creepyjirachi]

FUCK YEEEAAAAAA this sandwich is so good

[nexus-nebulae]

caveman brain shocked and amazed that cooking food makes it taste better. been buying this cinnamon swirl bread for years just to snack on. only today did i have the thought of actually toasting and buttering the cinnamon bread. TASTE

[nabexis]

Guess my newest hyperfixation is Val, sorry everyone who followed me for other stuff, I'm Val Serano Skyrim posting now.

Get out while you still can (つ✧ω✧)つ (Gushing below the Readmore, image descriptions in Alt Text)

"Are you serious? Right in front of my Hoarker loaf?"

I just wanna say, something I love about Val is he's not subtle about always looking at the Dragonborn. No matter where they're standing his attention is on them. They saved him from certain death, so it makes sense that he's intrigued by them.

Look at him. He's smitten. I hadn't even started the romance quest at this point and he keeps looking at the LDB like they're the only other person in the world. That's [chef's kiss] romance. (ﾉ´ з `)ノ♡

He's so unsubtle its funny. And ofc the LDB is sitting there wondering about him during the romance quest like "I don't know if he likes me uwu" which in and of itself is funny. I love watching romances where one or both parties are stupid about each other but haven't realized it yet.

Look at that sunset. Skyrim. It's got great sunsets.

Another thing I love is how much he's commentating about things that are happening or speaking to NPCs without changing or editing their dialogue much. It seems the author is VERY good at splicing lines to feel natural so Val fits right into the world of Skyrim without feeling like he's completely taking over. I think my one qualm is he doesn't have much in the way of interaction with other custom followers, but it does seem that older followers aren't being worked on that much or their authors have stopped updating, so it makes sense. I did find it funny that Lucien Flavius is mentioned (by a Sheogorath Hat that makes fun of Val for various things) and he wasn't even in my party at that point, I'd already dropped him at Dumzbathar to end that part of his quest.

I hope he does get some interaction in the future, as it seems like there's a lot of potential for him to mesh well with other custom followers.

You've got something on your face. Probably dried bandit blood. Let me get that for you.

There's also a lot to be said here for variety of choices. This mod allows you to actively choose a rocky relationship with this guy, and the mod is aware of that fact. I love that! What a new and interesting way to write a romance mod. It gives it more drama. Now I say this as I've chosen the "lovey dovey" path where the relationship is not rocky, but I am SO EXCITED to make a character where the relationship doesn't go as smoothly.

I have much more to say about this mod (and MANY more screenshots to share!) But I have to go to bed now so I'll do more Val posting later probably.

If you want to know what mods I used here's a spreadsheet link. Unfortunately last I checked the mod repository I used to use is down, so sheets it is.

Have some more of Val's unsubtle staring for the road. The Dragonborn lives rent free in his head just as much as he lives rent free in mine, it seems.

[headphonemouse]

I've ordered!! Some nightgowns!!!!

[woolydemon]

my uncoordinated ass playing video games: wow my hand eye coordination is so bad for playing video games

[c0rpseductor]

hey just fyi if you only have sticks of butter in your fridge and no like margarine or anything and think to yourself "i'll just cut it into very small pieces and then it won't be so hard to spread onto my bread" that's the actual real man satan the devil talking to you, and yes it will

[classics-cocks-and-concoctions]

And they say white people have no culture

[themonsterunderthebed]

eating falling by the wayside this tech week. got a solid one meal per day over the weekend and haven't gotten a chance to eat anything yet today. not great not great

[succubusted]

being absolutely ravenous but also about to fall over from exhaustion is EXACTLY why I keep cans of beefaroni in the house

[adetheenby]

i absolutely fucking hate blueberry in yogurt like it makes me violent BUT KNOW WHAT IS GOOD IN YOGURT

CHOCOLADE HAGEL!!!! or honey

i think all yogurt needs to be labeled as to whether or not it has fruit bits in it, like orange juice is with pulp. for autism purposes

[woodland-gremlin]

Meeting the Kids

Today was the day that Dick’s boyfriend, Danny, would be introducing him to his three kids. He has heard so much about the gremlin trio that he could recite how Danny adopted them and what they are like forwards and backwards in his sleep at this point. And as he fidgeted outside of his boyfriend’s apartment in Fawcett that was exactly what he did.

Ellie is Danny’s biological daughter that was officially put under his guardianship when he was emancipated at 17, but unofficially he has been watching over her for much longer. She is the oldest of the three, being 11. Exploring and causing untold amounts of chaos, usually with her two younger brothers, is her bread and butter in life. Will not hesitate to turn that controlled chaos onto you if you hurt her family, if the stories of what she does to her sperm donor is an indication. Tales of all the places he has traveled when he was in the circus and stress he has caused Bruce at galas are his best bet to not getting pelted with glitter the moment he walks in the door.

Billy is the most recent addition to the family after living on the streets for the last few years. He is the middle child at 10 years old. Being forced into foster care, which is a death sentence according to Jason, and living on the streets, which is apparently better than foster care (again according to Jason), has made him vary of adults. The only reason he trusted Danny enough to be adopted, was through a long campaign of food, a safe place to sleep that he could leave at any time, the other kids, and a few private emotional moments. From the stories he is a sweet kid whose swearing could make a sailor blush. He brought some of Alfred’s homemade food and stories of Jason for him.

Damian was taken in 6 years ago when Danny was 19. His birth family was in a cult, raising him as its heir before trying to sacrifice him to some higher being, when Danny found him. Even with the ruff start he is very in touch with his home country’s culture, Danny even getting in touch with people from his culture to teach the whole family so they can better understand and respect it. He is the youngest of the trio at 9 and loves animals. He has also seemingly inherited Danny’s adoption tendencies when it comes to said animals. He is also the most likely to challenge him to a duel for Danny’s honor, he does it to every potential partner of Danny's, much less one actually dating him. Mentions of Batcow while accepting said duel should help Damian at least tolerate him.

All three of them are the stars of Danny’s life. Dick has heard all about the bullshit Danny gets for being a father of three, two which are in the double digits, at 25 and how protective the Nightingale family is of each other. And that isn’t even counting his older sister, who he has met over the phone, and all the others claimed extended family. How often Danny has broken up with his partners over the kids or said kids driving out those partners if they didn’t think that they were good enough for their dad. So, no Jason, he wasn’t being paranoid, considering that they ran the last one out in tears, covered in neon, biodegradable glitter and paint, he was being practical!

What Dick did not know was that as he was panicking and making plans the gremlin trio was making their own plans. Plans of his demise.

[earthnashes]

Meet Melon's pack! As the story of Melon's Adventure progresses, we will eventually see some, if not all, of these yoshi buddies, so what better way to introduce them than to show off their looks? :)

In order of appearance (in the full lineup image), we have:

Bread (brown yoshi): A very sweet yoshi with a love for bread. Interestingly, yoshis don't really cook... or bake. So where exactly does he get his baked goodness?

Butter (yellow yoshi): Bread's twin sister. She's feisty and fast, and has an odd love for butter. She's willing to eat it by itself, much to her brother's chagrin.

Coconut (blue yoshi): An inquisitive yoshi with a love for coconuts! He spends most of his time exploring the beaches of the island, sniffing for his favorite treat and for any treasures he can take home.

Chili (red yoshi): A large yoshi with a hot temper, and even hotter tastes; they love spicy foods, but especially chili peppers! They're quick to frustrate and is sometimes overly strict, but is fiercely loyal and protective of their packmates. They take their role as protector very seriously, and is often the one to join Fig on her patrols.

Potato (purple yoshi): A large, chomky yoshi with a love for potatoes! She love to eat and is always hungry, but is also very generous; when they forage for food she makes it a point to try and find every tasty morsel she can for her packmates. No one goes hungry on her watch!

Pitaya (pink yoshi): The smallest yoshi in the pack, Pitaya is a little lazy and prefers taking naps under the warm sun over any of the chores his packmates task themselves with. Still, he has the strongest nose in the pack, making him their best tracker. His favorite snack is Dragon Fruit!

Melon (green yoshi): The main character of the story and the leader of the pack! Melon is adventurous, kind, and curious; he isn't afraid to venture into the more dangerous parts of the island if it means mapping out safe paths for his pack. In fact, that was what he was doing when Mario landed on his head. His favorite snack is watermelons!

Fig (black yoshi): The largest, strongest yoshi of the pack, Fig is Melon's trusted second-in-command. Her scars are a testament to the fights she's fought for the safety of the others, and she always came out on top, even if it came with a price. She has a permanent limp and is also the oldest of the pack; in fact she was the leader before she passed the status to Melon. Her favorite snack are figs!

-----

These little rascals are all gonna be available as stickers and a stickersheet in my store's launch: Debuting TOMORROW! ;w;

Stay tuned! ^.^

[ladybyakuya]

| ALL I WANTED + GOJO SATORU .

+cw. — female!wife!reader x clan-head!husband!(sub)!gojo satoru, arrange marriage, hurt, angst, canon typical elements, smut, f!masturbation + m!masturbation & orgasm interruption.

+wc. — 2.3k

+syn.— satoru comes home from a bunch of missions only to find his wife in their shared bedroom not wanting him, or waiting for him but busy seeking pleasure that was his share to pour into you.

+notes. — special thanks to @gojoest for hyping me up with this idea. & thanks to @sugurouge for beta reading otherwise this never get posted lol | redirect to blog navigation.

The current head of the clan you belong to, your father stands facing his back to you. He is now the housemaster, not your father. “You’re going to be married,” said he, as his palms remained tightly clasped at his back while he looked out through the window. What you once called home became a distant memory in an instant. “You’re going to be married—” as his face turned towards you, “to Gojo Satoru.” you could figure out why he was looking away. “That monster!” he screams tears streaming down his face as his lips tremble in rage and disbelief; how of all people did the marriage broker who has been his friend for a long time have even agreed with such a decision? The thought of him suggesting the idea to the council does not even cross your father’s mind. How utterly naive! a low grunt followed as your father swatted away his chair knocking it down to the ground before killing every bit of hope you had despite the rumors. “This marriage. . . it is nothing but a hopeless dream. ”

Yes! You knew that already. The housemaids and staff just love to gossip about the doom of their sole source of bread and butter. The moment your father summoned you into his study room and told you the news while staring at the greenery of the garden of this mansion you knew your life was going to turn upside down and it did, just like you expected yet you were still disappointed, frustrated even when you came back to your room. 

Satoru Gojo is the strongest jujutsu sorcerer in history ever known since Sukuna Ryomen was sealed. No other name has ever made it to the pages of jujutsu history. He is at the top of the jujutsu society regarding status, power, fame, and money. So, what do you do with the strongest of all? worship them out of devotion? subdue them with offerings lest it might lash out? swearing loyalty out of fear? Those were the thoughts that stemmed at the back of your mind when you first came to know about the fact that you were going to be the wife of the Gojo Satoru from a maid whose life never even crossed the threshold of your home. Her world was limited to the mossy parts of the mansion you resided in. Still, she could tell what kind of marriage you would be walking into.

Nothing shocking happened even on the night of your wedding. It was just as you anticipated. Two different futons were kept side by side. There was no sharing of words, glances, or kakebuton . Just both of your backs faced each other. At dawn, you woke up with your wedding kimono intact, a stainless white futon, and an empty room without Gojo. 

The maids here knew better than to talk about it, even behind your back. They were aware of the power and status you held and that made everything a lot worse than you expected it to be. You had access to a lot of things, the family history archives, the financial sources, his previous missions— everything tied to him. Your husband, Gojo Satoru, was the clan head as well as the master of this mansion so there were no elderly people pushing responsibilities onto your shoulders like back at home. There was a sense of serenity in the air but how could you breathe it in for the rest of your life? 

Satoru Gojo was the kind of man whom one could easily desire. Despite being his wife and the future mother of his children, trying to love him felt like a cyanide for you. You wanted your husband, not some Satoru Gojo oozing with knowledge and power. You wanted to look him in the eye, not just his back which you barely get a glimpse of at the crack of dawn as he occupies the sad side of the bed under a separate duvet. In earlier stages of this marriage, there was no curtain separating you and your husband’s side of the bed but after a month of utter silence and stealing glances, the first thing he installed was a curtain in the shared canopy bed. If he needed some privacy he could easily ask you to shift into another room but he bothered to talk one of those clan servants to install a fucking curtain as if the silence was not enough of a gulf in between you two. 

Sometimes you thought that he was cheating on you but you always pushed it under the rug telling yourself, “You’re the wife of Satoru Gojo. No one can take that from you unless you walk out of this marriage. Not your father. Not that marriage broker —”

— Not even Gojo Satoru himself because he only married you to silence those nosy elders of his clan who pretend to be oh-so-worried for him. You were not foreign to that concept, after all, you are wrapped in the same shroud for all your life.

“You’re the wife of Gojo Satoru . . .No one . . .” 

“You’re the wife of Gojo Satoru . . .” 

“You’re the wife . . .”

“You’re . . .”

But the thought of getting his dick sucked by some other woman or man, or him putting his dick into someone — it filled you with too much anger to sleep in bed that night. For the first time, you miss home because there you are free to go anywhere even at night. 

Satoru came home early that night, which was odd for his schedule, and was greeted with an empty bed after a long while. The sky is yet to be cracked open by sunlight. It is still too dark to be wandering around. Where could his wife have been gone to at this hour? He takes a spoonful of strawberry ice cream from the giant tub he held in his other hand before starting to look for you. But where should he look first? He does not know anything except the fact that he had put veils in different places of his house just to keep this house free of low-energy cursed spirits. Those veils sure did their job well but sometimes they would keep out non-sorcerers, people like you. His heart rejoices at the thought that he has to look for you in places only he is aware of, which means this is going to take a little less time, and he will find you much faster. Come to think of it, he has not been in the library section for a while but it is still as spotless as the first day he came here. Have you been visiting? Man! That sure worries him.

The pink layer of the tub has come down to half along with its skin being wet while the spoon is still experiencing the fierce appetite that Satoru had for anything sweet. He stands at the entrance of a long hallway before checking, thinking that this is the last place he has to look for but could it be possible that you were embarrassed enough to go back to your home?

Ahh…ahhh!

The spoon hits the wooden floor with a dull clatter as a wretched realization comes crashing down through his veins. Have you been cheating on him all this time? In his house? With some lowly servant ? Well, that sure makes it easier to end this sham of a marriage. He opens the door of a certain archive room as swiftly as possible trying to minimize the sound of his presence, making sure he does not shock you awake from your rendezvous. He is determined to catch you red-handed but when he opens the door he witnesses something that could have knocked the lights off his brain if he were not one of the greatest sorcerers of his time. The sight was not something of a fair appetite for ordinary people yet you sat by the marble slab of the giant window, with one of your arms nuked under your sapphire jinbei in between your legs as your skin glowed under that pale moonlight as if diamonds and pearls were embedded on your skin. 

You were sweating, arching your body, moaning and all your husband could do was watch in awe. Your free hand travels from the bottom of your cleavage and up to the apex of your nape as you turn your head opening your eyes for a brief moment. You see the world so blurred that it spikes your approaching high, but as you open your eyes for the second time your high is gone like it never existed. Your husband, Gojo Satoru stood before you like an ivory statue of certain abandoned ruined cathedrals. The dress covers most of your body so a wave of relief washes over him despite realizing how dangerous the spot you chose . . .to . . .umh. . . pleasure yourself . 

How long? How long was he watching you ? You shift your body to face him, and your hand slowly emerges from the warmth between your thighs. Satoru tries to ignore but traces of your arousal and his yearning are flourishing like fluorescence on your fingers as it rests on your thigh. You watch him gulp. Suddenly, Gojo Satoru is out of words. Teacher to his students of Jujutsu High, the strongest sorcerer, Nanami’s certified yapper is suddenly out of words. The slight slice of your boobs visible through your robe does not help either in the coherency of his thoughts. He had plans. He had plans to walk out of this marriage without being tainted as a “cheater” because the jujutsu society is so fucked up that they will not stop until they found this particular person that had made this marriage impossible to work on so that you, the wife, had to walk out it and dear God, they certainly are not fond of obstructions.

“What a nice place you chose to—” he finally looks away to keep the tub of semi-molten room-temperature strawberry ice cream on some bookshelf but before he could shift back his gaze on you again you were gone like a storm. The sound of your footsteps echoed in his ear till it stopped before he heard the click of a door. He does not understand if you are just too dumb or too brave to act the way you are acting right now. He follows you as a grunt of dismissal escapes from his chest. As he stands in front of the bathroom door he drowns yet again in utmost disbelief. He can still hear your shrill gasp of pleasure and he is not liking how his cock is responsive to it. At first, he hesitates to touch himself but the faint sound of your moans, the wet squelching sounds of your fingers moving in and out of your damp folds despite the door of the bathroom being locked buzzes in his ears like bees out in the hunt of honey. 

Satoru gave up . You hear a thud as you continue to finger yourself knowing full well that your husband must have followed you all the way here after witnessing you in such a state. Indeed, you could have been accused of cheating on him without him checking the door and it would have been much worse. He sits against the bathroom door unfurling the black ribbon with a swish to take his cock out of his baggy white pants. The tip is already leaking. His cock is throbbing in his palm as he encapsulates his fingers around it, moving his fingers up and down slowly. On the other side of the door, as you could finally feel the pinnacle of your high you heard a soft groan; a pain, that seemed familiar, was palpable underneath that shrill cry of pleasure. Still when your fingers touched the part inside you that almost felt like unknotting something from inside you, at the basal of your navel Satoru’s hand moved faster to chase the similar high that had started to bubble in his body under the influence of your ripples of pleasure. You heard your husband moan as tears rolled down your cheeks when you closed your eyes feeling the knot finally unwinding.

Perhaps, both of you came simultaneously. Perhaps not, because you immediately opened the door after you had calmed from your high, only to be greeted with Satoru sitting right at the opposite wall of the bathroom door, legs folded in L-manner so that he could keep his hand over his knee. His cock is still visible through his white pants and it is still so hard. One of your eyebrows raises in silent reply . Satoru notices that. He looks at you and then looks away. You extend your hand towards his face, gaining his stern azure pair of eyes shining against whatever dim light the crack of the bathroom door could allow. There was no sign of resistance in him so as your palm touched his cheeks, you waited and gave him time to protest. yet none ever followed,  instead, he surrendered to your touch, and your fingers curled under his chin as you ran your thumb over his lips. Satoru coiled against your touch imbibing as much as he could like a tide being high enough to touch the moon . . .a familiar voice shocked both of you awake.

“Lady Gojo. . .”